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Colonial Park of Williamsburg, Apr 6, 1992 - An unexpected directive from the BLB Commissioner’s office sent shockwaves across the country today as disgruntled umpires and their union representatives wrestled with the idea of altering 100+ years worth of tradition to placate the whimsical fancy of one man, of whom many hold a less than stellar opinion.
The issue at hand? Commissioner George W. Bush has mandated that beginning with the 1992 season all BLB games will be preceded by his new favorite catch phrase of “Fuck On!” in place of the storied baseball traditional phrase of “Play Ball!”.
“I won’t do it,” said one anonymous umpire crew chief. “I don’t mean to disparage the leadership of this great league because the commissioner’s office itself is full of hard working, baseball loving people. This league couldn’t survive without them, but that coked out, boozing low life at the top of the food chain has gone too far this time. They’re able to keep him under control as a figurehead, puppet commish most of the time, but every once in a while he gets a wild hair up his ass and tries to put his imprint on stuff. I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand behind the plate on Opening Day and say “Fuck On” in front of a capacity crowd. Not a chance.”
The head of the umpires union, Gerald Pemberbrook, was a bit more politically correct in his tone.
“We’re in ongoing discussions with the Commissioner’s Office to try to come to some sort of rationale conclusion to the matter that will allow the games to proceed on time as scheduled,” Said Pemberbrook. “We want to do everything in our power to make sure the sanctity of Opening Day is tarnished in any way, whether that be a delay to the first pitch or on-field protests by our crews. We want to make sure this most important day isn’t marred by controversy.”
No official word has been released by W. or his office, but unnamed sources within the BLB headquarters did provide some insight under the condition of anonymity.
“It was just out of the blue,” said one BLB staffer. “He (W.) just started saying, ‘Wouldn’t this be great!’ and then went into his plan to have the umpires say ‘F’ On!’ before every game. Everyone kind of thought he was joking, but then he sent out a memo a couple of days ago on his own to the umpires telling them what he wanted. No one else here in the office even knew the memo went out until we received a call from Mr. Pemberbrook stating on no uncertain terms would any of his umpires disgrace the game by following those orders. W.’s been holed up in his office since then and hasn’t really talked to anyone other than yelling at various people over the phone. You can hear him through the door. I’ve heard him scream ‘I don’t give a shit, bring scabs in if you have to!’ on more than one occasion.”
It’s not immediately clear what the ultimate resolution will be, but sources are indicating that many of the BLB owners with political ties have already reached out to his father in an effort to get the manner resolved.
LINK
The issue at hand? Commissioner George W. Bush has mandated that beginning with the 1992 season all BLB games will be preceded by his new favorite catch phrase of “Fuck On!” in place of the storied baseball traditional phrase of “Play Ball!”.
“I won’t do it,” said one anonymous umpire crew chief. “I don’t mean to disparage the leadership of this great league because the commissioner’s office itself is full of hard working, baseball loving people. This league couldn’t survive without them, but that coked out, boozing low life at the top of the food chain has gone too far this time. They’re able to keep him under control as a figurehead, puppet commish most of the time, but every once in a while he gets a wild hair up his ass and tries to put his imprint on stuff. I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand behind the plate on Opening Day and say “Fuck On” in front of a capacity crowd. Not a chance.”
The head of the umpires union, Gerald Pemberbrook, was a bit more politically correct in his tone.
“We’re in ongoing discussions with the Commissioner’s Office to try to come to some sort of rationale conclusion to the matter that will allow the games to proceed on time as scheduled,” Said Pemberbrook. “We want to do everything in our power to make sure the sanctity of Opening Day is tarnished in any way, whether that be a delay to the first pitch or on-field protests by our crews. We want to make sure this most important day isn’t marred by controversy.”
No official word has been released by W. or his office, but unnamed sources within the BLB headquarters did provide some insight under the condition of anonymity.
“It was just out of the blue,” said one BLB staffer. “He (W.) just started saying, ‘Wouldn’t this be great!’ and then went into his plan to have the umpires say ‘F’ On!’ before every game. Everyone kind of thought he was joking, but then he sent out a memo a couple of days ago on his own to the umpires telling them what he wanted. No one else here in the office even knew the memo went out until we received a call from Mr. Pemberbrook stating on no uncertain terms would any of his umpires disgrace the game by following those orders. W.’s been holed up in his office since then and hasn’t really talked to anyone other than yelling at various people over the phone. You can hear him through the door. I’ve heard him scream ‘I don’t give a shit, bring scabs in if you have to!’ on more than one occasion.”
It’s not immediately clear what the ultimate resolution will be, but sources are indicating that many of the BLB owners with political ties have already reached out to his father in an effort to get the manner resolved.
LINK
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