SIM COMPLETE - 2002 - SIM 22

[Clay]

NEXT SIM: Tuesday

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League File will be up around 8:15. The rest I have to do later. Thanks for your patience!

***

Check the schedule! Two more SIMS before a brief hiatus.

[BradZ]

Well, at least we're still in 1st?

IDK, we've got nothing left in the tank apparently. The bullpen is leaking all over the place after being rock solid all season long. No explanations other than it's our turn to have a bad stretch? Not sure we can recover from this.

[Lintyfresh85]

So I take it we must of had a terrible week if you're depressed and still in first.

[Clay]

HTML and Utility should be up. Sorry for the delay. Only had time for League File this AM.

[funclown]

Pawtucket 3-4.

I notice some teams only report out the good weeks. We report the good and bad here in Pawtucket.

Good:

Simmons last week on the IR.

Fan Interest started the year at 56 now moving in the mid 70's. Still hoping to get some revenue sharing cash for one more seaon.

No question Reyes is hitting the cover off the ball and trying to help Maine reach the playoffs, but simple fact we replaced a .675 OPS with an .898 OPS in Memmoli. For some reason Quinn and Reyes weren't in sync where Memmoli appears to protect him a bit more. Memmoli has probably earned himself a contract extension as we would of just let Reyes go due to his age(and wanted more money for some odd reason). Did we pay to much? Probably, but Top Players usually don't come cheap.

Bad:

Getting swept by Maine blows a bit.

Former first rounder Sostre sucks. Single handingly going to ruin the team ERA. However, he's nice inning eater cannon fodder for now as we try to rest just a bit for the playoffs.

11-14 Since Simmons got hurt. Also seems to of affected Tammany play since they bat together against righties with Thang Mac. Again, guess you can't put a price on top players. Just startled me that Simmons was so important.

[Clay]

32-3 since July 1st. Save a little, Boys... save a little.

[Jake]

I take back everything I said last week. We are awesome.

We went into Indy and dominated with a sweep of the soulless Clowns. It was a major power move. Women and children of Indianapolis are currently in the outskirts of Indiana and Ohio hiding from us. Literal riots started when Ryan tried to calm the fans down. We demoralized an entire team, an entire fanbase, and an entire city. The Indiana economy may never recover. They had to repave I-65 after we left. Prisoners escaped as guards were too demoralized to care. Carlos was there. Ryan cried, maybe. And we didn't flush a single toilet the whole time we were there..

We also fought hard against a respectable Dallas organization, going 3-0.

[Ryan]

I take back everything I said last week. We are awesome.

We went into Indy and dominated with a sweep of the soulless Clowns. It was a major power move. Women and children of Indianapolis are currently in the outskirts of Indiana and Ohio hiding from us. Literal riots started when Ryan tried to calm the fans down. We demoralized an entire team, an entire fanbase, and an entire city. The Indiana economy may never recover. They had to repave I-65 after we left. Prisoners escaped as guards were too demoralized to care. Carlos was there. Ryan cried, maybe. And we didn't flush a single toilet the whole time we were there..

We also fought hard against a respectable Dallas organization, going 3-0.

This is actually pretty normal.

[Jake]

This is actually pretty normal.

Ok, now you've taken it too far.

[Carlos]

I take back everything I said last week. We are awesome.

We went into Indy and dominated with a sweep of the soulless Clowns. It was a major power move. Women and children of Indianapolis are currently in the outskirts of Indiana and Ohio hiding from us. Literal riots started when Ryan tried to calm the fans down. We demoralized an entire team, an entire fanbase, and an entire city. The Indiana economy may never recover. They had to repave I-65 after we left. Prisoners escaped as guards were too demoralized to care. Carlos was there. Ryan cried, maybe. And we didn't flush a single toilet the whole time we were there..

We also fought hard against a respectable Dallas organization, going 3-0.

And then they were rewarded with Denver coming to town!

[Carlos]

Look, I'm <s>bold</s> predicting this. I said it. We are going to play .400 baseball or better in September. Why? Because OOTP 12 is stupid.

3-3. You don't want to play us this month. Jake, tell your team to just not show up. It's gonna be disastrous for your ego. That high you have right now, it's just going to come crashing down. Pepe Rodriguez may be feeling great right now with that big ass smile on his face, but I'm telling you, it's going to turn to good after that sim. Good.

He may not hit another home run after it goes down. Even if he does, the home runs will look lifeless. They will pass the wall and even sports anchors will call them the most depressing looking things in BLB history. I'll even provide proof when it happens.

It's very possible that after we are done in LA, Jimmy is going to want to quit this league. Like go full on fuck off mode and walk away after posting about it. However, don't worry, he won't be serious, so he will come back. But for like two hours it's going to be some serious shit and everyone is going to wonder if maybe the league would be better off with or without squid's other friend taking Jimmy's place.

The poll will be 75/25 but no one will ever know which 25% voted "better off" because 70% of the league won't even talk about it. We consider funclown half a man.

This week we played Pat Dimmick. Screw Dimmick. We beat his ass again. We always beat Dimmick. Even when he was actually dominant, we beat him. Now it's just embarrassing. Stop starting him against us, Jim.

Actually, hold up. Keep starting him against us so we can continue making him look like Micah Dimmock.

You want more proof this game is dumb or just socially awkward and simply doesn't know how to act in front of people so it just does random shit like make Denver good in September?

Dave Ritchason. That's it. Look it up. I don't have to tell you anything else. It's just stupid how ridiculous it is. Ritchason is making fans in Philadelphia reconsider hanging themselves over their losing ways because they aren't even sure they can do that right.

Speaking of Philadelphia, Tyler DeBenedetti - who must have the worst name since some jerk placed a flag on Mississippi - is now hitting .261 on the year. Why is that amazing outside of the fact that it just is? Because he's hitting over .300 since the ASB and actually looks like the only young player in Denver who gives a damn about being the face of the crap sitting in Colorado because Jake didn't flush any damn toilets while in Indianapolis.

That shit follows you, man. We won't forgive you for that.

It's too bad Tyler DeBenedict plays third base like Pedro Zamarida decided to return to baseball at the tender age of 83.

When Pat's Washington squad loses to Clay in the BLB Championship Game (let's be serious guys, not funclown nor anyone in the DL is winning anything), I'll remind him that Loren Washington made his only All Star team while playing for his squad.

If your solution is Edgar Salazar and Ivan "The Swedish Chef" Bjork Bjork then I hope DuFour, Hanbeck and Downs actually carry the weight of your team on their backs instead of sounding like a gay threesome act that involves backs and...you know what, I don't even want to talk about it it's so disgusting.

In other news, my AAA affiliate played in the championship game and lost 4-0. We want to thank our captivating lineup and Freddie Boehmer for his 5 championship pedigree.

[Carlos]

One more thing:

In another issue of Tommy Potter is the unluckiest son of a bitch in the league.

He has now gone two straight starts in which he's only given up one run over 8 innings COMBINED. Why only 8 freaking innings? Did he get hurt? Did he give up 7 unearned runs?!

No. He got rained delayed. Two times in a row. So he's still winless with a 4.11 ERA. 0 and damn 13 for the year.

Tommy Potter better be getting laid or Denver is gonna have to look into making it harder to purchase guns.

[Clay]

Damn, Carlos, why don't you write a book!?!??!

[Carlos]

Damn, Carlos, why don't you write a book!?!??!

Because I'm a bitch and I am secretly worried how my writing will be judged outside of the hallow walls of my brain.


Sent from my mobile device.

[Jake]

Because I'm a bitch and I am secretly worried how my writing will be judged outside of the hallow walls of my brain.


Sent from my mobile device.

Good call.